No support system

 It has been 2 months.

I tried my very best to move on. But with the lockdown in place, it cut off access to my friends & support system. I am struggling to deal with guilt. 

Unfortunately, I cannot meet my friends in person. 

My friends have been trying to help me via video call... cheering me up and giving a lot of emotional supports. 

 But can video call cure my anxiety? 

Like, can video call cure cancer without surgery?

Black magis.

I truly regretted for bad mouthing and cursing SW with all that black magic stuff. Why did I curse him to fall sick and suffer with bad luck for many years?

Maybe it's not happening now. But later how? 

Why do I always like that?  As Kelvin said, how many more people do you need to fall as a victim? 

How many more is enough? 

How many more people need to suffer because of me? 

How many more people need to suffer from my curse and magis?

How much more pain? 

How many more people like our ex Thad need to suffer because of me?

SW is right. I only caused suffering to him.

It seems my only way out of this suffering is to end my life. I have tried for several years and failed. It seems there is divine power stopping me each time I am about to do it. Like today, how Vin shows up on my Instagram and gives his word of encouragement not to give up on love.

I am quitting social media for good. 

I am quitting everything.

And there is evil that keeps pestering me to take my own life. Like now, telling me to overdose myself with a meth drug.

You said I needed to plan my life. I need to plan achieving success.

But seriously, success does not bring me happiness anymore. I got nothing to look forward to in this world. I feel sorry for making my parents worried about me a lot this day.

I am suffering from this anxiety. But what can I do?

It depressed me because I already know what to do about it, and I did nothing.

I just need to distract myself by working harder at work.

But for what?

So what is the point of working hard? What is the point of having money and stuff if living is suffering? 

Heaven please help me.